Who am I?

I was raised in a church but I wasn’t saved until I was 19 years old. This is not a full length testimony of mine, but an introduction to myself and this blog. Though being raised around Christians, the message of the cross completely flew over my head. If you had asked me what the gospel was I would have given some response about love and acceptance and being kind to one another. While these things are good and beneficial when understood from a biblical worldview, they are not the gospel. I had no saving faith and had become rather degenerate in my lifestyle, pretty much forsaking God. I was no intellectual atheist, but an emotional idolater, worshiping self over true God. I allowed my emotions to guide me and eventually they led me to a beautiful church with a beautiful aesthetic and many things appealing to me. Even so, I was honestly uncomfortable saying the name Jesus, I was just there for myself. This is where I began to believe in God, and learned to respect the sacraments. But I didn’t always agree with this church, I still had my own view of God, who was just a projection of myself that I had decided I could worship, as though I had some secret understanding of God that people who only understood God by reading the Bible could never achieve. Thank God he saved me from that. It was through a conversation with a new friend at the time that I heard the gospel, articulated so clearly, in a way I had never grasped before. It was then I understood my nature as a sinner and I asked Jesus into my heart because I was familiar with the phrase from the church I was raised in, though I have since come to disagree with the particular wording of that. It was then that I believe I was saved. There have been plenty of ups and downs since then, as is to be expected. I noticed my desires and priorities changed. I wanted to share the gospel, I remember texting a friend from the church I was raised in saying “you Christians have been hiding Jesus!” an exaggeration of course, I knew they weren’t hiding him from me but that I simply had missed the whole message. With this new found excitement in Christ I began to learn more. I still had the idea in my head that we couldn’t totally trust scripture which didn’t go away for a while. It was actually when I was challenged by people of an opposing faith that I started looking into apologetics asking questions such as “Can the Bible be trusted”, “is Jesus God”, and “what is truth?” I examined other religions, obviously biased but open to reason. I’m aware it is not our place to put God to the test but I am thankful God stands up and stands out so clearly against other worldviews. Determining to stay within the Christian tradition, I began to read literature of the differences in denominations, promoting and critiquing. Christianity is true, but who has the correct view of it? This is, of course, a debate that will not end anytime soon, but I resolved to look into it for myself. I read articles, books, met with elders, talked to friends, to random people on the internet. I got overwhelmed and pretty much had a mental break down trying to find truth in the midst of a seemingly endless amount of truth claims. Some of these contradicted the Bible outright, some of them seemed to make a lot of sense but contradicted each other. It was a very rough time, I was learning a lot, more than I was digesting and it made me want to give up altogether. By the grace of God I persisted in faith and landed in a good church as a reformed protestant. The purpose of this blog isn’t to make you agree with me doctrinally, though I will be writing from a reformed perspective, I created this blog to sort of document my experiences, share insights, and hopefully encourage others in their own walk and growth. I hope you are inspired or edified by the content here!

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